party invite…
This Saturday (today) there is a party going on in my hometown with my old classmates and I got invited to it (they invite everybody). I don’t feel like I want to go and I don’t really have anyone to go with. I don’t want to be reminded of those bad memories from years ago and I don’t want to get another backlash on myself and having them look at me and god forbid being treated badly again.
I mean, isn’t it kinda weird? I have decided already that I am not going but I still feel a clump in my chest? I have always tended to handle such situations by joining for the “exsperince”. But, i just do not feel that I would even get any exsperince.
I’d say it is also peliculiar that I would need to try to tell this to other people. I think it is because we do not really like to make decisions for ourselves and we would much rather prefer other people make those decisions for us (why freedom is failing lol). I feel I want to write/think about this later too hmm..))
So, wrote it to kinda talk to myself and tell myself it’s okay. I need to get this out of my head and focus on other things instead of just hurting myself with unnecessary thoughts around other people that just hurts…
Tags: feelings